It can affect you physically because it’s a huge stress, and it can affect your sleep and your immune system.
“We were worlds apart, and there was a particular, more meaningful, intellectual connection that was lacking.” Jessica was terrified to break up with him for a variety of reasons. “The guy everyone says they want to find and settle down with.” She had doubts about her vague feeling that the relationship was just a wrong fit: “If I couldn’t be happy in a relationship with him – the perfect, most agreeable guy ever – who could I ever be happy in a relationship with? ” Jessica was also fearful of letting other people down – not just her boyfriend, but her friends and family.She suspected that her parents were secretly saving for her wedding.The fear and guilt ate away at her for over a year.Lombardo says that FOBU can have a negative impact on many different areas of our life: “It affects us psychologically because we start questioning ourselves, and our self-confidence takes a hit.A lot of people can’t pull the Band-Aid off and face that temporary decline.” In other words, we can be as terrible at delaying gratification when it comes to relationships as we are with anything else. “The biggest component of it is ‘I’m never going to find someone else,’” says Lombardo. It’s the ‘I’m going to die alone and my cats are going to eat me’ thinking.And so we think it’s safer to stay in the relationship than to chance not having a chance at a relationship again.
It’s the idea that something is better than nothing.” Several years ago, “Jessica,” a visual artist (who asked that her real name not be used), was involved with a guy she describes as “perfect.” He was older, smart, charming, successful and extremely nice.
“But after three years, the only thing we had in common was each other,” she says.
Recently, I was at a party, and in between handfuls of tortilla chips, I found myself in a conversation about the tendency to stay in a relationship too long – even when you know that the person you’re dating isn’t right for you. Breaking up with people isn’t fun – even if the relationship is well past its expiration date.
“Think of happiness on a scale of one to 10,” a friend once told me.
“Your relationship might only be a five, but breaking up might temporarily bring you down to a three.
It doesn’t matter that you’ll eventually be happier than you were in the relationship.